Giving the perfect gift? Don’t make it too hard on yourself

With the holiday season just around the corner, gift-giving stress also begins. But there’s no need for that, research shows.

With the holiday season just around the corner, gift stress can also just strike. Many people go to great lengths to come up with something original and personal, but in practice it’s better to just give what the other person has on their wish list.

Don’t think too hard

Monique Pollmann, associate professor of communication studies at Tilburg University, did research on it last year. It is not very creative, but so very effective to simply give what someone would like to have. Remarkably, only ten percent of generous givers actually ask that question and the rest prefer to make up their own gifts.

“People find it more fun to come up with it themselves,” Pollmann said in NRC last year. “They also think that they come across as more fun then. That they are thought to be more creative and that it looks like they have tried harder.”

Different focus

“Giving a gift goes beyond making the recipient happy. It’s more about yourself than the other person. People want to feel good about themselves, they get happy from the moment of giving.”

So it is not (enough) about the surprise of the other person, while the latter has to make do with it. “The giver has the moment of giving in mind, but for the receiver, what matters most is what comes afterwards. The focus is different.”

Last week we experienced winter temperatures for the first time. We suffered from cold fingers, cold toes and blue lips. The latter can be quite a shock. But how does this happen? And is there anything you can do about it?

To keep in mind

A gift does not necessarily have to be something material, it can also be an activity: such an experience with the giver proves to be a real joy maker.
A gift can be fine second-hand: if it suits the recipient, it will be appreciated.
Many people find giving money boring, but those who receive money are often very happy with it.

If you do want to give something personal, think of a nice tin of home-baked cookies rather than, for example, art that you think the other person will like.
If there is a wish list, don’t think you know better than the person who drew it up. Appreciation will be greater if you simply give something that is requested.

Image: Adobe Stock